Shame

"The essence of poverty is shame," Anne Sullivan. Read this document about Anne Sullivan's time at the Tewksbury Almshouse (25 pages). It's incredible. BTW, she's the Miracle Worker, the one who taught Helen Keller.

www.tewksburyhistoricalsociety.org/Archives/StateHospital/sullivan.pdf

 

Her statement is true on so many levels. Have you ever felt ashamed about something? The way you looked? Your family? Reading in class? In each instance, the shame was a result of poverty. I have felt the shame, but never recognized the accompanying poverty.

 

Take some time to remember a moment of shame in your life (recent or otherwise). What was happening? Why did it make you feel that way?

 

For example: In high school, I hated social situations (yes, high school is a cliché and was a long time ago, but it's so convenient!). I was usually embarrassed and uncomfortable because I never measured up to the other girls--all of whom were beautiful, well put together, stylish, funny...you name it, they had it and I didn't.

 

Where's the poverty? That was just high school, right? Well, yes. I was uneducated in the ways of personal grooming (I'm still not stellar, I'll be honest). Oh, my clothes were cleaned, I bathed daily and did my hair, I brushed my teeth. But I had no clue about what to wear and how. (I have a very distinct memory of one of my friends untucking my shirt (after asking if it was a body suit). I was so grateful for the help because I didn't know). I didn't know how to do my hair all cute or my make up (seriously, either a clown did it or I didn't wear anything).

 

I was also poor in self-confidence. Yeah, I walked out the door looking somewhat freakish, but spent most of my time hiding behind books and hoping no one tried engaging in chit chat with me (unless they were my very close friends who understood the nerd that I was--okay, am). I was uncomfortable because I didn't fit in and I knew it. But imagine if I had the confidence to not worry about that so much, to know myself and wants without worrying about everything else.

 

Sorry this isn't a lovey-dovey post for Valentine's Day. I think you'll get over it. I know I am. And now that I'm aware of how impoverished I am, I can get to work on it. Because some types of poverty can be fixed without a mountain of money. :)

Finding Joy #1

Quick update: The Guardians: Revenge is coming along great! Had a few insights last week that have really helped pull the story together. It feels more complete. :) Also, if you have not read Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol, do it! On to the heart of the post!

Finding Joy-Thoughts
These are thoughts that have been floating around in my head for a long time. I am in no way a medical professional. Always, always, always counsel with a medical professional if you are suffering from depression or other ailments, especially of the mind. This is a sensitive subject that I am treating as delicately as possible. It was a difficult post to write and I can only ask that you read it with the intent that I have written, to help others. The examples I use are my own.

Luke 2:10-11, 14
10 And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you ^agood tidings of great ^bjoy, which shall be to all people.

 11 For unto you is ^aborn this day in the city of David a ^bSaviour, which is Christ the ^cLord.

 

 14 ^aGlory to God in the highest, and on earth ^bpeace, good will toward men.

 

John 14:27

27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

 

John 16:33

33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have ^apeace. In the ^bworld ye shall have ^ctribulation: but be of good ^dcheer; I have ^eovercome the world.

 

I have three beautiful, wonderful children. In my religion (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), they often talk about how children are a joy, how they bring so much happiness. When my third child was born, it was not that way. I felt certifiably insane at that time. I ranged in emotions, from hating my children to feeling guilty about that hate, to loving them intensely, to staying up late at night in a panic that someone would break in and kidnap or hurt them to fearing that I would be the one to hurt them. Quite frankly, it was terrifying to feel so out of control.

 

I endured for about a month after the birth of my third. It was all my head, after all. My emotions were out of whack with the birth of my baby. I just needed to get over it. I realized I needed help when I was at the store checking out. The checker asked the generic "How are you?" and I nearly lost it at the desk. Tears welled up out of nowhere and I thought I would collapse. I called my doctor as soon as I got home (and the tears flowed freely!). She immediately put me on medication suitable to my condition. I was lucky. The day I started taking the medication was the day it took effect. It can often take up to six weeks before that type of medication begins working.

 

The day the medications started, I felt reborn. I could sleep at night. I loved my children. I no longer had urges to hurt them. I knew that everything would be okay. About a month later, I again called the doctor. I felt strongly that it was time to quit taking the pills. I weaned myself off the pills, again under her direction. I have been blessed not to have a recurrence of that episode.

 

I must contrast that with my time as a teenager. I spent most of my high school years believing that everyone hated me (what teen doesn't?). My senior year, it finally occurred to me that no one cared about me that much. I laughed when I realized it. They had their own problems to be thinking about, they did not need to add me to the pile. It was a huge weight off my shoulders, realizing that I was thinking about others thinking about me more than they thought about me. It still took years of self-mental therapy to get over my paranoia. Whenever I caught myself believing others were talking about me, I had to quickly remind myself that they weren't. And then I had to change topic in my head, running away from the misconception.

 

I tell you these two stories to make a point. So much of our happiness is related to our thoughts. Our entire perception of the world comes with how we think about it. Which is why I love the Savior's injunction to "Be of good cheer." Sometimes, you have to be happy. My situation as a teenager did not change one iota (that means 'bit'). But my perception of it did. It has hugely impacted my development into an adult and my ability to love others. By taking matters into my own hands and being of "good cheer," I have been able to enjoy life. Do not think that it is easy. It takes effort, every single day.

 

In contrast, thinking myself happy did not (and could not) work after the birth of my son. There was more going on physiologically than psychologically. This is where the angel's pronouncement comes in. You know, the one about a Savior being born. I needed help. I was desperate. And my doctor, at that time, stood as the Savior for me. She helped me, saved me from myself.

 

At this Christmas time, there's a lot to be said for good cheer. In general, people are happier and more giving. It is an elevated kind of happiness, one full of gratitude. Oh sure, the rest of the year, we feel pretty good. We take care of ourselves and are content. But this time of year...this time we celebrate a Savior. We recognize that we are nothing. We recognize our neighbors. We recognize that we are each struggling with our own demons. And some demons may only be defeated through the Savior.

 

There will always be pain and suffering in the world around us. But as we rely on the Savior, we can find peace and hope, faith to move through this world being the best we can be.

 

For some, there will always be pain and suffering within. But the answer is the same. There is still hope. And in the hope of healing, we can find peace. The Lord Christ will not leave any who rely on Him. He lives! And He offers to us the same. Life.

 

And so I ask you, at this time, to set aside some of the franticness you may be feeling. Take a moment of reflection to remember why you are celebrating this season. Look on your neighbor with a little more compassion and offer the Lord a little more gratitude for His compassion. And as Tiny Tim says, "God bless us, everyone!"